😊 How Do You Feel?

Why this helps

A feelings chart works because you can’t manage a feeling you can’t name. Big emotions live in the body long before a child has words for them, and that’s often what a meltdown really is — a feeling too large to hold and no way to explain it. Pointing to a little face gives your child a first, easy way to say ‘this is what’s happening inside me’.

Naming a feeling also takes some of its heat out. When a child moves from ‘everything is awful’ to ‘I feel frustrated’, the feeling becomes something you can face together rather than something that just crashes over them. In our clinic we see this as the very first building block of emotional self-control, long before any calming strategy comes in.

Tips for using it well

• Do name your own feelings out loud during the day, so your child learns feelings are normal and safe to talk about.
• Don’t rush to fix the feeling the moment it’s named — sometimes being understood is the help.
• Do accept whatever your child points to, even if it surprises you; there are no wrong feelings.
• Don’t only reach for the chart in a crisis — chat about the happy faces on calm, ordinary days too.
• Do keep it somewhere your child can grab it themselves when the words won’t come.

Common questions