🌬️ My Calm-Down Steps

Why this helps

A calm-down card works because, in a big moment, no child (and few adults) can think clearly enough to invent a plan. Having the steps drawn out means the thinking is already done — you and your child just follow the pictures. It hands you both a shared path out of the storm instead of leaving you to fight your way through it.

The deeper reason it helps is that self-calming is a skill, and skills are learned by practising, not by being told. In our clinic we always rehearse the steps when everyone is happy, so that breathing and squeezing become familiar and easy. Then, when a real wave of feeling hits, the body already knows the way, and you doing the steps alongside your child is what makes them possible.

Tips for using it well

• Do practise the steps together when your child is calm, so they’re familiar long before you need them.
• Don’t expect the card to work if you’re not calm yourself — your steady body helps regulate theirs.
• Do the steps with your child, not at them; ‘let’s breathe together’ lands far better than ‘calm down’.
• Don’t start talking about the problem until the big feeling has actually settled.
• Do praise the calming afterwards — ‘you did your breaths’ — so your child notices what worked.

Common questions